Gaara doesn't know what's wrong with him. Maybe it's the side effects from almost dying, and the trauma that came with it. But he feels weird, and small. He's been thinking, trying desperately to try and gouge what it means, or why he's feeling that way. But for the life of him he can't decipher where these feelings came from. He doesn't like it, not being able to know what he's feeling and why. It makes him feel vulnerable and scared. Even more so now that the shukaku has been taken from him.
About that. He doesn't feel… sad by the creature's disappearance. If anything, he feels lighter. More in tune with himself than he ever has before, even after meeting Naruto. Like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. But he feels fragile now. Without the shukaku there to aid him, he feels small.
He doesn't like it one bit, he decides as he stares at the ceiling of his room.
He puts a hand over his stomach, the feeling of Naruto's chakra thrumming through him helps to soothe him. He breathes out, and in, and repeats it a few times. The small, foggy feeling still remains. He felt this before, a lot before he met Naruto. Back when, after an assassin would come for him in an unsuccessful attempt on his life, he'd feel this same feeling.
Like everything and everyone else was so much bigger than he was. Like he was a small child again. It's such a soft, and fuzzy feeling, a feeling he never had the courage to let himself indulge in.
Maybe… maybe with Naruto he'd let himself feel it. If Naruto was there to– to protect him and watch over him maybe then it would be okay. It's such a delicate, scary thing. Trusting someone so fully like this. Gaara bites his lip.
Naruto and his other teammates are in separate rooms, Gaara had refused to let them return home after the mission. They were exhausted, and not only that but Gaara thought that they deserved a proper thank you for their help. For saving his life. He thinks about granny Chiyo, and her chakra that is coursing through his veins, giving him life.
It's weird. It's almost as if the shukaku was taken, and instead replaced with Naruto and Lady Chiyo. Their chakra is so calm compared to the shukaku's. It feels nice. Good.
He thinks about getting up and going to Naruto's room. But he feels guilt gnaw at him at the idea of bothering him so late into the night. Even with the sand spirit gone, he still can't sleep. He's not used to it, not having to fear that if he closes his eyes for too long the shukaku will take over and kill everyone he loves. It's a foreign feeling, though he wants to get used to it. He wants to feel this way forever.
He pulls the covers off of himself, the nights in Suna are cold, so he suppressed a chill at the sudden cold air. He relishes in it, but it does nothing to ward off the feeling of fogginess.
Maybe it's because he isn't in his right mind, but he pushes the guilt to the side and decides to go to Naruto. Besides, Naruto would want him to go to him, right? If he was feeling unwell? Maybe he shouldn't. He doesn't want to be a nuisance. But he also… he really wants Naruto. To feel his warm, kind hands again.
Kankuro calls him weird, for giving his entire being to Naruto. For believing wholeheartedly in him and that he'll succeed. For admiring him the way he does. But how could he not? Naruto is.. he is light itself. Naruto is to him what the sun is to the moon. He'll chase after him, admire him even if he never does so back. Even if he'll never admire Gaara the same way the redhead admires him.
With a slight hint of determination, he leaves his room. The hallway is cold, and to him, because he's not fully there and he feels small, the hall seems eerie. Dare he say scary.. he shivers. He quickly makes it past the guest rooms, the guards stationed about don't really question him being up. As stated before, it's not uncommon for him to not sleep. So sometimes he'll wonder about the mansion.
One guard, however, stops and asks him where he's going. And, in his brilliantly not present state of mind, he tells the guard, “Wan’ see Naruto. Gotta tell him a secret.”
The guard, for a moment, makes a surprised face. Jaw going slack only for a moment, before turning serious and nodding, “I see, okay. I wish you luck on your mission, lord Kazekage!” He bows, and Gaara thanks him, pleased that no one suspects anything out of the ordinary.
He continues his mission, walking down the halls until he stops at Naruto's door. One of the leaf ninja, the one who looks exactly like Lee, just older, is standing guard at the door. He makes a face, not a rude one, rather from Gaara's knowledge, a confused one.
“Gaara? Whatcha doin here kid? Got something to say to Naruto or something? It’s kind of late for that, you should probably be in bed..”
“Got a secret for Naruto. Only he can know.” Gaara explains, a very serious look on his face.
Guy looks at him for a couple seconds. The redhead squirms under the older man's gaze, looking to the side. Does he know he's feeling– feeling small? How could he know? Is he that obvious?? He thought he was doing a good job covering it up. What will he do now that he knows Gaara is vulnerable? Will he–
“Alright!! Have a good talk!” The man grins and gives him a thumbs up and then disappears. Gaara stares at the spot he used to be, before huffing in amusem*nt. He was funny, like Lee. He likes him, he decides.
He reaches towards the door, and knocks once. Not too loud that it'll alert anyone nearby in other rooms, but loud enough that it'll catch the attention of whoever is inside. Which seems to work, because he hears footsteps from inside the room come towards the door. It isn't long before the door opens, revealing a very not sleepy looking Naruto.
“Wha– Gaara! Hey man, what are you uh, doing here? I mean– I don't mind, it's just that it's late! And you should definitely be sleeping after what you went through today..” Naruto rambles, taking in the sight of a very disheveled and sleepy looking Gaara, who's got on soft orange pajamas.
“I've got somethin’ to tell you– ‘s a secret though, so we have to go inside.” Gaara looks side to side, examining the area to make sure no one is looking, before going into Naruto's room, closing the door behind him.
Naruto looks at him for a moment. Gaara doesn't seem like Gaara right now.. it clearly is Gaara though, he knows that much. Maybe it's a response to dying? It's just he seems… small. Soft.
“Hey, you good Gaara?” He asks, just to make sure. Gaara seems fine, just soft.
Gaara looks at him, and nods, “'M okay, I jus’ needa tell you something important.”
“Oh, well what is it? Y’know your secret's safe with me!” Naruto smiles, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He kind of likes this Gaara, he seems more.. laid back. Happy. Other Gaara’s good too. He just likes Gaara.
“Mmn.. I don’ know how to say it…”
“Well, just say whatever you're thinking, y'know? Don't think too much about it! Whatever you have to say could never chase me off, y'know?” He reassures, putting his hand on the redhead's shoulder.
“Feel weird– uhm, like small. Like a kid. But– but you can't tell no one, okay? Just between me an’ you. ‘S our secret..” Gaara whispers, well what he thinks is a whisper.
Naruto makes a confused face. A kid? Is it a ninjutsu? No, not possible. Maybe a trauma response? Probably.. Okay so how does he handle a kid Gaara? Wait, how old is he– well, feel he is?
“Well, how young are ya right now?” Naruto asks, taking in Gaara for a moment, before he realizes that Gaara came to him. Gaara trusted him with this, with his vulnerable and small side of himself. He can't help but feel honored, and happy. Joy fills his chest, and he tries not to giggle. He doesn't want Gaara thinking he's laughing at him.
Gaara seems to consider the question, he doesn't really know. He just feels small. Will Naruto like that answer? Will he think that's okay? He guesses he feels about 5, he thinks. Maybe littler? This is hard, thinking about it only makes him feel even more fuzzy.
“Mmn.. I don’ know. ‘M little though.. Sorry.” He apologizes softly, Naruto deserves a straight answer. Now he's probably going to be mad, and kick him out.
Naruto panics a little, “Oh– no it's okay, y'know? It's alright to not know! Uhm– are you tired? Y'know, I'd be tired too. How ‘bout we go to bed?”
Now that Gaara thinks about it, he is pretty sleepy. But– he doesn't want to sleep by himself. What if someone comes to get him? He knows the sand will protect him.. but– he shivers. He remembers Yashamaru's words, what he said to him. He bites his lip, eyes welling up with tears. He tries to blink them away, but he's unsuccessful.
Hot tears slip down his cheeks and he suppresses a sob, he tries to wipe them away, to no avail. Big fat, wet tears slide down his flushed cheeks, and little sobs slip past his lips.
Naruto is stunned for a moment. He’s– he’s never seen Gaara cry. It leaves him breathless, grasping for words as he tries to comprehend exactly what he's looking at. Then he becomes aware of himself, and panics a little more. “Oh– Gaara it's okay! Uhm– you don't gotta cry, y'know??! Shhh… it's okay!! It's gonna be alright, don't be sad–”
He waves his hands about, hovering just above Gaara's shoulders. Touch has always been a foreign thing to Gaara to his knowledge. He doesn't want to freak the redhead out more by touching him suddenly. He has matured more. “Can I touch you Gaara? Is that okay? I just wanna help you, y’know?”
Gaara sniffles, looking up at Naruto through his tears. It's been a long time since someone touched him, well. Touched him when he was actually wanting it, and was awake. He likes Naruto's touch, so that's why he doesn't hesitate to nod his head in approval.
Naruto smiles a bit, before pulling Gaara into a hug. He tries not to feel too bad at the sudden squeak Gaara lets out, or the full body flinch. It's a little heartbreaking how long it takes Gaara to actually relax into Naruto's hold. But the little sigh of relief and contentment Gaara let's out makes a part of him proud.
Gaara's really come a long way since 3 years ago. Naruto is so, so happy. He pushes his face into Gaara's red hair. He doesn't realize he was so wound up until now, the only reason he isn't asleep like the rest of his teammates is because he was too full of energy, still high on the rush he was on back when he thought Gaara was dead. Maybe he was still a little scared that in the morning, Gaara would be gone. Never to come back.
Gaara was the first person to actually understand how he felt, sure Sasuke knows how he feels too. He understands the pain of being all alone, but he doesn't understand the pain of being a jinchuriki. Gaara was truly the first person to get him, and he was the first person to get Gaara.
He'll be there for Gaara, no matter what. It was scary almost losing him. Even though Gaara doesn't have the shukaku anymore, he still bears the pain and scars of housing the monster.
The pain isn't suddenly gone, it's still there. And Naruto– he wants to be there for Gaara. And– and he wants Gaara to be there for him too. Naruto is determined to help him through whatever this is, even if it kills him. Which, it probably won't, but y'know.
Gaara hiccups into Naruto's shoulder. The warmth makes him feel all the smaller. It's soothing, and it makes him feel safe. He likes it, it's almost like the sand shield, but better. Way better. Naruto makes everything better. He likes Naruto.
He wants to thank him, but his words aren't working. Everything is so big.
“Let's get to bed, okay? We can have like, a sleepover! It'll be awesome, yknow??” Naruto grins at Gaara, who in turn sniffles, and looks at him with wide green eyes, before nodding in agreement. A small smile appeared on his lips.
Naruto's heart swells. “Alright, c'mon, we can cuddle! It's really cold here in Suna at night, which I never would've thought would be the case..” He rambles, leading Gaara to the bed he was to stay in for tonight.
He guides Gaara into the bed, watching the other stiffly lay on top. That simply won't do. “Okay, scooch over! I need room too, y'know? If we're gonna cuddle!” He giggles, and Gaara's face flushes before he willingly moves to the side.
Distantly, he wonders if he should be doing this. He's the Kazekage, surely the elders will have a hissy fit if they find out he cuddled a leaf shinobi, especially the leaf jinchuriki to sleep… but he also can't find himself caring. He's warm, and happy and Naruto is right there, and he gave Gaara a hug and promised him cuddles. He's as happy as can be. Who cares about the repercussions?
He sniffles, tears now dry and leaving nothing but dry tracks in their wake. He doesn't like how long Naruto is taking to get in bed with him. He thought they were going to cuddle?
He whines, reaching a hand out towards the other jinchuriki. Naruto huffs out a fond laugh, “Never took you to be the fussy type of kid, Gaara! Well I guess you're full of surprises tonight.. okay here I come!”
And, just like he promised, Naruto climbs into bed right next to him. He's warm, heat practically radiating off his body. Gaara wants to be close again, and wants to feel as safe as he did before– when they were hugging. So, with a slight hesitation in his actions, he wiggles closer to the other, before Naruto catches on and pulls him closer.
Gaara immediately feels better. Lighter. And way sleepier too.. but he doesn't want to fall asleep yet, he wants to cherish Naruto's warmth for as long as he can. He can't sleep yet, he just can't. He doesn't know when the next time will be when he's held like this, like he's something precious.
He just wants to be precious to someone.
“C'mon Gaara.. go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise. You mean a lot to me, y'know? You're my friend– more than that I mean. We're more than friends, to me anyway. But that's– I don't think we should talk about that now!” Naruto's voice cracks and his face heats red, “When you're like this. Small I mean, anyway! G'night Gaara. I- uh- I love you, y'know?”
Gaara sniffles, eyes widening at the words. I love you. When was the last time someone told him they loved him? He hiccups, another wave of sobs racking through him.
“Nar– Naruto, love you too.” He pushes the words out through the fog. Naruto loves him. Naruto loves him.
He never– yes his people love him. But, this is different. This is Naruto and him. He whimpers, curling further into Naruto's body, almost like he's trying to become one with him. Naruto pats his back, hushing him. “I'm sorry Gaara– it's okay. Please don't cry..”
Naruto's heart twists. When was the last time someone told Gaara they loved him? When was the last time someone told Naruto they loved him? Gaara loved him. It feels so nice to hear those words. He's gone his whole life not hearing those 3 words, and now that he has, well. He wants to hear it more. He's sure Gaara feels the same, too.
He'll tell Gaara he loves him whenever he has the chance. Hell, he'll send letters if he's gotta. Gaara is loved. So, so loved. He's sure his siblings love him, too.
Eventually, the redhead's sobs dwindle, until he's reduced to sniffles and little hiccups. Naruto would be lying if he said he didn't find Gaara's tiny hiccups cute. He kind of sounded like a kitten, or maybe a raccoon? Bad joke.
“D’You feel better?” He asks softly, rubbing Gaara's back. He's still just as scrawny as he's always been. He'd ask if he's getting fed properly, but well… he's the Kazekage. Of course he is. Maybe he just has a fast metabolism.. Doesn't matter.
Gaara nods, before yawning. He wipes at his eyes, before his hand drifts to his mouth, and he begins to suckle on his thumb. Naruto would say it was gross, not because it's weird, but because it's not very sanitary.. Well, it doesn't matter. It makes Gaara feel better, so he'll let him suck away. As long as he doesnt die. Again. He's okay with whatever, as long as Gaara is safe and sound.
“Right, well, goodnight Gaara..” He whispers, he suppresses the urge to kiss Gaara's cheek. That is something too intimate. Sure, he and Gaara have… something going on. But he's not sure how Gaara will feel when he's all back to his usual self if he finds out Naruto kissed him on the cheek.
He's not even sure how he's going to feel about Naruto telling him he loves him… oh he is so screwed. Whatever, he's tired, and Gaara's safe in his arms, so he's content. He'll take whatever berating he gets in the morning.
With an asleep Gaara in his arms, Naruto allows himself to follow suit, now that he knows he's safe.
